Saturday, July 4, 2009

My 18th Fourth of July

Okay-- so it's 11:12 P.M. and the last fireworks and firecrackers ended about a half hour ago. Now I'm just sitting in my bedroom on my crappy computer swatting at mosquitos. Man, after today I need to take a shower... a really long hot one. Today was just too much. Lately, everything has been too much. My grandfather is dying. I mean, I know he's not the first grandfather to ever die but I mean, he's the only grandfather I've ever known so that kind of makes it a big deal... to me anyway. But that's not really what's bothering me. Today, for the first time ever, I saw my grandmother cry. We were saying goodbye to him at the hospital earlier and she smiled and said goodbye to him and said she's be back a little later. She patted him on the leg and walked out and just... cried. And if you knew my grandmother you'd know that's not an everyday thing. She's tough. To be honest, I was never even really sure she loved my grandfather. How bitchy does that sound? But it's true. I've never seen them hug or kiss or even have a decent conversation. I don't even remember them sharing a bedroom. But he's been in a nursing home for the past six years and even though she always went to see him faithfully... it didn't seem like she did it out of love but more out of duty... you know? But anyways, today was different. Today she cried. And seeing her cry made me want to cry. I wish my grandfather could live just so I would never have to see her do that ever again. But everybody has their time and I know his is approaching. Damn. This is my first post and already I'm depressing. And probably boring. I don't even know if anyone will even read this. Oh well, its been theraputic. I promise my next post won't be so morbid. You've been a great audience. Peace.